School Time!!!

A wonderfully-talented man from Lee Co. made this desk for me...this is just the online image.  I will take a pic of my girls' desk and post it soon. It turned out great and I am extra-excited about starting my homeschool because they will have their own private work spaces this year.  I can't wait to get started!  September 6th is our starting date.

Now, the ONLY time and I mean the ONLY time I get excited about going to Walmart is when school supplies are on sale.  There is nothing I enjoy more than shopping for school supplies, especially when they are ridiculously cheap!  I love getting matching pencils and folders and notebooks for my girls...new pencil cases, filling them with everything they need for the first day of school:  colored pencils, crayons, pencils, erasers, tape, glue stick, scissors.  I love to have everything organized and just right for our first day.

I am so thankful that God has given me the opportunity and the abilities to teach my children at home.  In college, I studied psychology.  I also worked on my teacher certification for elementary education...that was my minor.   When I finished my psych. degree, I still lacked two classes and student teaching to finish my teaching 'stuff'.  I was ready for a break from college so I decided to put the teacher cert. on hold and go work with my family for a while because they needed some management help. Sometimes I think I should go back and finish those classes.  Actually, I know I should.

And I remember trying to choose a major in college, wow... I was so frustrated...I didn't even want to be in college!  I didn't want a career!  All I wanted was to be married and have a baby.  And I was so unsure about the psychology thing.  I knew it was the only thing that really interested me so I just went with it.  And then there was the teaching thing.  That would be my career choice, if I had to choose. I really had no idea what I would do with the psychology thing, other than try to analyze my 'interesting' family.  lol.

Here is what is awesome to me: God knew that I would struggle with anxiety and panic.  If I hadn't studied all about that stuff in school, I probably would have thought I was losing my mind.  I understood what was happening to me and that was comforting...and that it could and would get better with the right treatments.  I have also been able to be a support for others who have gone through similar situations, which has been a blessing to me.  I am so thankful for my psychology degree and who knows how else God will use that to enrich my life.  God also allowed me to use my teaching in teaching my own children!  Wow.  I really never saw myself as a homeschool kind of person.  Never.  Really.  I did not think I would or should or could, but I LOVE IT.  I love teaching my children and I know that I'm doing the right thing.  I know that it is not for every family and it doesn't always work for every child, but I am thankful that, so far, it is working for us.  My girls might not get as excited about it as I do but that is ok.  ;)   And there are hard days, for sure.  I don't mean to make it sound overly-dreamy.  ;)  It can get hairy some days.

Isn't it great to look back and see God's hand?  When we are living life in the day-to-day, we don't always see the beautiful thing God is creating in us.  I read a book recently that compared the Christian life to a beautiful painting.  When you are standing right in front of it, with your nose pressed against the canvas, you cannot see things clearly.  Things are blurry and it is sometimes hard to understand what it is you are seeing.  It is when you are standing far enough away that you can see how the colors blend and can see the beautiful work of art!  I thought that was a great comparison.  Even the hard stuff, the bad stuff....sickness and hardships...and I know those will come, I know that God will be with us and it's all just part of the beautiful thing that is our life.  We may not be able to see God in it at the time, or understand it all but looking back, we will see clearly. 

All About Josie

Josie loves receipts, any receipt..she is not picky.  Nothing excites her more than a really long food city receipt (which are not hard to come by at this house).  She puts them in her purse to play 'momma'.  She is amazing at Super Mario Bros and video games, in general.  She is a morning person and always wakes up with a big smile.  She is addicted to chocolate milk and Justin Beiber.  She loves to go to church and learn about God but hates any home Bible study because she says it makes her sleepy.  lol.  She is excited to be homeschooled for kindergarten  but would really like to ride a school bus and carry a backpack.  (She has a backpack at home but says it's just not the same.)  She does not eat enough to keep a bird alive, which keeps me worried to death.  She tells lots of fibs...but then when she gets caught says 'kiddingggg' and it's so cute, she usually gets away with it.  She throws bad tantrums and I regularly threaten to call Super Nanny.  They are not as frequent now so I am praying that she is outgrowing them.  She loves to play house (momma).  Here are the essentials for playing momma:  dead cell phone, purse, babydoll, pretend boyfriend.  She is always talking to her babysitters and her boyfriends on the phone and it is hilarious to hear the convos (and BTW, she will NEVER have a husband, it's always a boyfriend...and she wants them to sleep over.  ;)  She is a great big sister to Hudson.  I was most worried about how she would handle this, not being the baby anymore, but she is crazy about him.  She always has a new nickname for him.  This week, it's 'Huddle Crackers'. 

Here are some favorite pics of Josie Claire.    

She was a TATER.  SO ROUND!

I was obsessed with hats.  It was tacky.  I realize this looking back on all of the hat pics. 

 She is identical to Hudson, I think. 

Look at this bed head!

And here we have the old faithful bowl cut.  Hindsight is 20-20.  I will not be doing this to Hudson.  I did this cut with both of my girls.  Why didn't someone tell me????

I love this picture of her.  Look at this pose!!!  Now, she is so camera shy.

She loves her sis.  They are best friends.

One of my favorite pics!

She sure does love her daddy.  He used to wrap her in a toga after her baths.  She loved that!

She always, ALWAYS has a bag.  And it's ALWAYS full of the most interesting assortment. 

And she knows how to cut loose and have a good time!

Mommy loves.

Even on the grouchy days.  I love you completely, Josephine.  You're amazing to me!!!

My God is An Awesome God

A few weeks passed by and I had been living with a different frame of mind, for sure.  I truly was not worried at all about getting pregnant.  I had total peace about it.  One day, I woke up feeling strange.  Strangely pregnant!!!  And trust me, I know how it feels.  I have always had lots of early, obvious symptoms, having been pregnant six times.  I thought 'there is NO way that I am pregnant..I mean, I know God is going to do this but, so soon???'.   Yes, a positive pregnancy test proved that I was preggo. indeed!  Wow!  That was all I could think or say.  Chris and I were in awe of what God has done.  You know how people imply that when you stop worrying, that is the key to conceiving...you hear so many stories about that.  People might think the release of the stress can be the magic of the conception (and I'm sure it can be).  But for me, no way!  I knew that God was showing off.  Not only did he reward our faith and answer our prayers.  He did it immediately, which was such a bonus!  I had to tell people.  I had shared with so many friends, coworkers, and family about what happened at the baby shower so everyone was just amazed at what had happened, knowing that we had struggled for quite a long time.  One of the first people that I called was Pastor Eva.  She was so happy but not one bit surprised!  :) 

I went ahead and scheduled my first doctors appointment because they always do early ultrasounds on me, considering my history.  My first appointment, Dr. Scruggs ordered an ultrasound and the tech was fairly quiet.  Of course, there is not a whole lot to see at less than six weeks along but there was a little flickering heartbeat on the screen and that is always a wonderful sight and sound.  After the ultrasound, I met with the doctor in the exam room, she had a concerned look.  She told me that the heartbeat was very low but she was pleased that we saw one.  She said she wished she could tell me everything would be ok but we would just have to keep an eye out and hope the heartbeat speeds up.  I was to come back in two weeks for another ultrasound.  She told me to watch for the obvious symptoms that have happened in the past (cramping, spotting).  If these happened after hours, come to the ER.  During hours, to the clinic.  I was concerned a two on the one to ten scale (we rate everything around here. meals. movies. anxiety...mainly me and jilli on the anxiety ;)).  I knew what God had done and I knew it was early so it was in my mind, but I drowned it out with my excitement and my faith was strong, but that was Tuesday.

The following Saturday (so, about a week and a half later), I had to work at the store.  As soon as I got there, I realized I had started bleeding.  My heart started pounding.  I called Chris to come get me immediately and we headed to BRMC.  I was seven and a half weeks pregnant.  We dropped the girls off with my mother-in-law on the way.  She brough a piece of paper out to the car and I still carry it in my wallet.  She had written down a bible verse for me:  Psalms 46:1  'God is my refuge and strength.  A very present help in trouble.'  I needed that.  I have an awesome mother-in-law, by the way....obviously!  (love you, Betty,  if you are reading.  you are a blessing to me.) 

When we got to the hospital, I was called back right away.  They took me back to ultrasound after about an hour's wait.  I was praying continuously that I would see a heartbeat.  Sure enough, there it was, beating away!  I lifted my hands and praised God in that dark room, so thankful for that improvement.  The heartbeat had increased twenty beats per minute in less than two weeks...I could see that on the monitor!  And I was asking a hundred questions (imagine that) and the ultrasound tech was as vague with each answer as he could possibly be.  Then he told me that he hated to give me bad news but they doctor would need to talk to me about this ultrasound.  That didn't sound good but I was not afraid at that point because I was so encouraged by the high heartrate.

I was wheeled back to the exam room and the ER doctor came in about thirty minutes later.  'Mrs. Kent, I'm sorry to tell you this.  I am very concerned with the pictures I see on this ultrasound.  This does not look like a normal pregnancy.  Yes, the heartrate is healthy.  However, I can see an obvious birth defect that causes miscarraige....and with your bleeding....I'm just concerned for you.  I want you to take this disk to your doctor next week and she can explain in greater detail the problem that we see.'  He continues 'Mrs. Kent, see how these two tissues are attached...well they shouldn't be.  It's sort of like the baby has not separated enough from the uterine wall, almost growing to it.'  He continued to explain that he was not an OB but he sees lots of early pregnancies in the ER and that this did not look good.  I cried the whole way home.  How could I wait and NOT KNOW for two or three more days? 

Several of the ladies from the baby shower were prayer partners for me before and during my pregnancies.  One of them (yes you, D, if you're reading.  love you.  you're awesome!) called me and said 'I heard about your doctor report today.  Joelle, who are you going to believe?  Are you going to believe the doctor's report or God's report?  Your baby is whole, in the name of Jesus.  Your baby is perfect in Jesus' name.  God is going to see this pregnancy through.  He did a miracle in giving you this baby.  This baby is going to be just fine and He will receive all the glory.  (this is not word for word, just as best as I can remember)  That is why I have to write down my testimony so as many people can read it as possible.  God deserves all the praise and glory for this baby and that is why I write. Anyway, that was an awesome encouraging call and she assured me that she had talked to Pastor Eva and they were agreeing and believing that God had this baby in His mighty hand.  I felt so much better.  I had to believe God's report.

I got to see Dr. Scruggs on Tuesday and I had been praying that this ER doc was just totally confused and wrong and knew nothing about ultrasound.  That is really what I was believing and praying.  I was called back after a loooong wait.  shew!  The doctor listened to me tell all about my dramatic encounter.  Looking puzzled, she asked to see the disk and left the exam room.  She told me that she would view it in her office.  She was only gone for five minutes, but it seemed like five hours!  When she returned:  THE EXACT REPORT I PRAYED FOR.  'Joelle, whoever told you that this is not a normal pregnancy must not know much about ultrasounds in early pregnancy.  This ultrasound looks perfectly normal to me.  I see nothing of concern.  I realize you are spotting but bleeding can be ok in some pregnancies.  I know it's concerning with your history, but I think everything will be fine.'  They repeated the ultrasound that day and she repeated the same diagnosis:  Keep a watch, but no need for panic.

So, guess what happens next!?! 

Well, I got miserably fat and swollen, became an insomniac, and other unmentionables....and then....at forty weeks...Tah-Dah!

                                                                         Tah-Da!

And TAH-DAH!  Now, can you see that halo?  He's my angel.  Thank you, God!

My God is An Awesome God

Do you see the halo?  I'm sure you just see a regular baby boy. I'm sure you do not see the ANGEL that I see.  That might sound cheezy, but it is true.  When I look at Hudson, I see a precious angel baby that God wrapped up, tied with a bow and sent straight down to Wise just for ME!  I want to tell the special story of how God worked in an awesome way to give me my Huddle.

I was 27 when I married Chris.  One thing that attracted me to him was his love for children.  We both wanted lots of kids and I couldn't wait to have my first baby!  All I ever wanted was to be a wife and a mom....I had almost given up on that dream, but then Chris came along (that is a long story) and I knew that he was the man for me.  I didn't want to wait to have a baby but Chris insisted we wait at least one year.  I got pregnant right away after the year wait and we were so excited.  After an exciting week of spreading the news and a trip to the baby doctor, things started going downhill.  I miscarried at six weeks and I was devastated.  Got pregnant again a few months later, miscarried again.  I was beginning to think that I would not be able to have a baby.  I had hormone problems in my early twenties so that was always an underlying thought and worry.  Finally, I got pregnant with Jillian and the pregnancy was healthy.  However, I was put on hormones for extra precaution but the pregnancy went fine.  I was SO NERVOUS but Jillian arrived, healthy and beautiful, on December 10, 2003.  Josie came along a few years later, also healthy and beautiful, in the summer of 2006.  I had to do the hormone thing again with that pregnancy but no problems at all.  I had always wanted a blonde-haired daughter.  God had given me two.

I was 32 when Josie was born and I had this little plan (I always have a little plan, actually a big plan).  You know how we make plans and don't really pray the way we should about what would be God's way/God's plan?  I had decided that I should have all my babies before I turned 35!  It only made sense to begin the process when Josie turned one....so that is what we did.  I thought it might take a little while because it actually took seven months for us to conceive Jos.  This plan would allow extra time in case there was a delay, like with Jos.  I didn't realize what a struggle would lie ahead.  We tried for over a year but I finally got pregnant.  I was so excited.  Of course, I immediately scheduled doctors appointments and told my friends.  A week later, I miscarried.  It was very early, as was the case with the others but I was disappointed and confused, none the less. Another year of of trying to conceive.....ovulation kits and monthly disappointments.  I knew Chris and I both desperately wanted another child...was it not God's will?  Were we being ridiculous?  Should we just enjoy the two wonderful daughters that we had and give up?  I was getting ready to turn 36 and I decided it was time for a heart to heart with Chris (these always make him nervous).  'Honey, I don't think this is God's will for us...I am tired of these migraines (hormonal) that I have when I'm off my bc pills.  I am tired of being disappointed.  I don't think it is in God's plan.'  My husband is so cooperative and such a rational thinker, unlike ME!  He is NOT a planner.  He goes with the flow (I cannot imagine!).  He lives life a DAY AT A TIME (also a good idea).  So he says 'Whatever you think, Jolene.  I am so happy with you and the girls.  I will not feel like I am missing out.  I will not regret this later.  I want what you want.  I want your headaches to get better.'  He said all the right things and I knew he meant them.  I made him promise me no regrets so that I could have peace about calling it quits.

LITERALLY, A FEW DAYS LATER:  GOD moved in a big way.  HE had a message for me.  It was a message I should have heard long before, but most of the time He has to yell at me.  That still small voice doesn't always do it for Miss 'I have a plan and I'm sure it's ok by God so I'm just going to go full-speed ahead on this so leave me alone!'  I hate that about myself and I am working on this. I have to daily force myself to let God lead me.  I want to do everything according to my plan.

Back to the story, here is how it went down.  It was pretty awesome.  OK, I had gone to a baby shower for my dear friend.  It was here in Wise and I had a great time.  The food was awesome (I love shower food) and there were so many Christian ladies there (maybe thirty or more) and it was a wonderful time of fellowship and celebration.  My expecting friend's pastor was there.  Pastor Eva.  She sat a few seats down from me and as the shower came to a close, she was asked to dismiss us in prayer.  She stood to her feet and she began to explain that God had burdened her for one of us ladies.  He had tugged at her heart when she walked through the door and had not left her alone.  She told us that God had a message.  She said that she doesn't norally 'preach' at baby showers (lol) but she had to be obedient to the Holy Spirit.  Pastor Eva explained that she had a 'word of knowledge'....the Holy Spirit had shown her that someone at the shower was getting ready to give up on a baby that God had for her.  My heart started racing away and tears came to my eyes.  She talked so much about faith and how we have to TRULY believe with our WHOLE HEART that God CAN and WILL do the impossible (or what may seem impossible).  He is still on the throne and still performing miracles.  God can give you a baby, in His time, by His might...but you MUST have TRUE FAITH.  I knew right away that my faith had been so wishy washy and weak.  I had given up on God giving us another baby.  I thought it was impossible because MY ovulation kits didn't work, MY timeline had been screwed up, MY efforts seemed in vain.  I realized that although I had been praying so much about this baby, I was working SO HARD and not TRUSTING. 

After she was finished speaking, everyone knew that Pastor Eva's word was for me because I was crying so hard.  I spoke up and told the group my story.  I told them that I had given up on third child because it had been two and a half years.  I told them I was even embarassed to complain because so many women can't conceive at all and I have two healthy daughters.  I told them how weak my faith had been.  I told them that I didn't really believe that God could and would, until NOW.  The ladies gathered around me and it was awesome.  I LOVED IT!  They layed hands on me and prayed for me.  They thanked God for this baby that was to come!  It was so awesome.  I wish I had a picture of that but it is in my mind and I will never forget that sight or that feeling.  I left that night praising God and knowing that there would be a baby, but in God's time.  I was excited and happy. 

(to be continued.....)